Excuses

You ought to be surprised how your brain just comes up with so many shit excuses. And the mechanisms it develops on its own to absolutely avoid the hardest tasks. The hardest problems. Often, those very problems are the ones worth solving. And the ones that are really important. I’d like to share how my brain does this thing.

I have created an idea of myself over the years, that I believe myself to be. But make no mistake, I am a tyrant. There’s been barely a night where I go to bed satisfied with the day that I lived.
And that is because my mind is elsewhere, my ideals are elsewhere. Somewhere in the clouds. While I am still on the ground. Not living in accord with my own value structure. Which is just.. sad.

The point is, we gotta confront reality. And this one is for those who are maybe, like me. You gotta sort yourself out, bucko.
(Yes, thats from JP)
Its easy to avoid hard things. So easy. And so worthless. Like I wrote in my previous post. We have to act responsibly.

So, what my shit brain is this.
I called up a friend to ask for a term for what I am gonna describe.
We both couldn’t come up with a word. But the closest word would be errand.
Boring freaking errands I hate them so much. I actually hate it and my idea of myself hates it too.
Work. Productive work. The idea of myself loves it and thinks its the only thing worthwhile. But what about me? Turns out we cannot really say. We can only monitor actions and watch our decisions to know who we really are. Turns out, I hate working. Well 70% of the time.
I like working, with ideas and big picture. But details bore me.
But but, details are how we get through the day. All implementations of all sorts of ideas require going through details. The devil is in the details. I strongly believe in implementation of ideas because, reality. Its gotta have some remote connection, preferably a direct connection to reality.
So lets set aside the idea of myself.
Lets analyse the real me.
I hate boring errands, but I hate working a little more.
I stupidly and sneakily put the boring errands I hate before my work.
Wow, well played brain. Its good, because I get the illusion that I am not wasting time and giving my brain a kick out of it, doing the second most hated thing, i.e. getting some shit done that was necessary and at the same time smoothly PROCRASTINATING what should be dealt with the highest priority!

Again, well played brain. Well played.
But hey don’t think you’ve won.
The idea of me wins. My own value structure must dominate.
It is non-negotiable. (hah, got the reference?)

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